Signs Of ADHD In My Son I Didn’t Understand Until After His Diagnosis
ADHD doesn’t always look the way people expect it to. As a mom of three boys, here are the signs I missed in my middle son before his diagnosis and the things helping us navigate it now.
Katie Hartman
6/14/20265 min read
About a year ago, my middle son was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 and a half years old.
And honestly? Looking back now, there were SO many signs that suddenly made sense.
I think before his diagnosis, I pictured ADHD one specific way. I thought it mostly looked like kids bouncing off the walls nonstop or constantly getting in trouble at school.
But ADHD can actually show up in so many different ways, especially when a child has a combination of both hyperactive and inattentive ADHD like my son does.
Now that we’ve had some time to learn more about how HIS brain works, there are so many things I wish I would have understood earlier.
Not because I would change who he is.
But because I think I would have understood him better sooner.
The Emotions Were BIG
This was honestly one of the first major things we noticed.
Everything felt huge to him.
Excitement was HUGE excitement.
Frustration was HUGE frustration.
Disappointment could completely derail the whole mood of the day.
He has always had a short fuse too. Sometimes he would get overly pushy with other kids or rough during play when he got overstimulated or frustrated.
We still work on this occasionally now, although it has improved SO much.
At the time, I honestly thought maybe he was just strong willed or extra emotional.
Now I realize his little brain just feels things very intensely.
He Looked Like He Was Listening… But Then Did None Of It
This one used to make me crazy.
I would look directly at him and say:
“Please go upstairs, put your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and grab your water bottle.”
He would nod.
He would say okay.
He genuinely looked like he heard every single word I said.
And then somehow three minutes later he’d be upstairs wearing one sock, holding a dinosaur, talking about Pokémon, and completely forgetting the other 90% of what we discussed.
Not because he was being defiant.
His brain genuinely gets sidetracked CONSTANTLY.
I think before ADHD crossed my mind, I took a lot of it personally. Now I realize his brain is basically running fifty tabs at once all day long.
Multi-Step Directions? Forget It.
This is still something we work on every single day.
If I give him too many steps at once, there is a very good chance only the first one is happening.
So instead of:
“Get dressed, brush your teeth, grab your shoes, pack your backpack, and bring your water bottle downstairs.”
We’ve learned it works way better to simplify things:
“First get dressed.”
Okay, now shoes.
Okay, now backpack.
Honestly, this simple change alone has cut down on SO much frustration in our house.
This is also one of the reasons I started using visual routine charts with him. Having a physical reminder in front of him instead of only verbal directions has helped tremendously.
I actually made a simple ADHD-friendly printable morning and chore chart for our family that you can download for free here: [ DOWNLOAD OR PRINT THIS CHORE CHART ]
Nothing fancy.
Nothing overwhelming.
Just simple routines broken down one step at a time.
He Needs To MOVE
My son absolutely needs movement.
Not just “go play outside for a little.”
I mean genuinely NEEDS movement to regulate himself.
Running.
Swimming.
Jumping.
Scootering.
Wrestling with his brothers.
Trampoline time.
Anything active.
And honestly? You can feel the difference on days when he hasn’t gotten enough physical movement out.
“Getting the sillies out” is a very real thing over here.
Sleep Has Always Been Weird
Oddly enough, he is not a night owl at all.
Usually he’s the FIRST one asleep out of all my kids.
But then somehow he might wake up at 3 or 4 AM and just start existing loudly in his room.
Talking.
Banging around.
Playing.
Singing to himself.
And every single time I think:
“There is absolutely no way this child got enough sleep.”
One thing that has helped us a lot at bedtime is using a white noise machine in his room. We’ve also tried magnesium gummies before bed which seem to help him settle down some nights too. Here were out favorites:
[This WHITE NOISE MACHINE is so fun and colorful ]
[ These MAGNESIUM GUMMIES are so yummy and work FAST ]
Our “Quiet Corner” Has Helped SO Much
One thing I honestly did not expect to help as much as it has is creating a little calming space in our house.
Nothing Pinterest-perfect.
Nothing fancy.
Just a cozy little “quiet corner” where he can go when he feels overwhelmed or overstimulated.
We added:
a soft rug
pillows
books
a comfy chair
a few quiet fidget toys
calming sensory items
You could even turn it into a little tent or canopy area if your child would enjoy that.
I tried really hard to keep it calming and cozy instead of overstimulating, so we stayed away from loud electronic toys or things constantly making noise.
Honestly, it has become one of his favorite little spots in the house. Here are some of our faves:
[ This assortment of FIDGET TOYS worked wonders ]
[ This CANOPY/TENT is larger so they can lay down ]
[ This super comfy BEAN BAG CHAIR ]
[ This super cute emotions CALMIN CORNER RUG ]
We Also Notice A Difference With Dyes & Processed Sugar
I know this topic can be controversial, so let me be very clear:
I am NOT saying food causes ADHD.
But personally? We absolutely notice a difference in OUR child when he has a lot of artificial dyes and heavily processed sugary foods.
Things like brightly colored sports drinks, certain fruit snacks, and lots of processed candy seem to crank the intensity level way up for him.
Again, this is simply our experience as parents.
He Is Also Incredibly Smart
One thing I never want overlooked in all of this is just how smart he is.
When he applies himself, he learns things incredibly quickly. He notices details other people miss. He asks deep questions. He’s wildly creative and hilarious and curious.
And honestly? I think ADHD kids are often underestimated because their brains do not always fit neatly into the little box people expect kids to fit into.
And Honestly… I See A Lot Of Myself In Him
This part has probably been the most emotional for me.
Watching him navigate ADHD has made me realize how many signs I probably missed in myself growing up too.
The distractibility.
The emotional overwhelm.
The racing thoughts.
Walking into rooms and forgetting why I went in there.
Starting ten things before finishing two.
Suddenly a lot of my own childhood makes more sense.
At the end of the day, I remind myself:
He is still just HIM.
Funny.
Wild.
Smart.
Sensitive.
Creative.
Loving.
ADHD is part of him.
But it is not all of him.
And instead of trying to force him into being an “easy” kid, I’m learning how to help him understand how HIS brain works — while reminding him that nothing is wrong with who he is.
